EPILOGUE: 5 years of one sided love.

Love is unconditional. You give love and don’t expect anything in return. They say that if you love, you are willing to sacrifice, you are willing to wait, and sometimes you are willing to do anything beyond the call of love. But in obvious certainty we are just blinded by the fact that the person we love will reciprocate the same in return.

Love is a sweet feeling but it can also be bitter sweet, for there is a very painful kind of love. A kind of love that everyone might have or might be experienced, it is called a one sided love. It comes in many ways, it can be you in a relationship and your so in love with your partner but he is indifferent to you or doesn’t feel exactly what you are feeling. You try your very best to be noticed, just to strike a conversation just to let him smile at you. You tend to be aggressive and compose at the same time. You’re itching for his attention, you want to grab him and hold him tight but he’s far from your reach. He might be physically near but he’s feelings for you is light year from your existence.

Mine is a different situation, more complicated than the usual. It's not like a boy and girl relationship or vice versa. You know what I mean.

During the start, when I was just starting to fall for him everything seems to work according to what i wanted. We became friends, and eventually become more closer than anyone else as the days and months passed by.

I give the state of our relationship a different meaning. Because I thought we're on the same ship. I thought wrong.. it was only me all along.. but i keep blinded and still hoping that he will fall the same.. I even considered him my own.

but it never happens...

It took me five years to realize that, although it’s long been obvious, I always give myself the benefit of the doubt. I tend to make believe, and I tend to hope that someday we’ll end up together that someday he will be able to return my feelings.

And that is where the pain starts, I keep on holding to such matters that every move he makes is a big matter for me. I keep on expecting but nothing happens. I was there, a background for a relationship that would never seem to shatter. But still, I’m not ready to give up even though the conclusion is already implied that we would never be together but I am still there hoping that the story would shift from him to me. Every kisses and hugs, every glances and smiles contribute to the thousands of arrows of pain being struck to me.

I would say I’m happy for you, You guys are so sweet, I’m letting you go, If you don’t feel the same way about me then go. Those words keep ringing in my head but still I am holding on the quote “if we’re meant to be then you would come back to me”. A one sided love story, a story of endless struggles of being noticed, of trying to impressed, of trying hard, of waiting, of hoping, of loving, and of taking as much pain as you can take in.